Christmas Celebrations (Part 2)

Matt, Emma and I did our gifts as a little family on the Tuesday night before we left for Hawaii. I was fine with waiting until we got back, but Matt really wanted to open before we left. Since we knew Emma would be spoiled by her grandparents and aunts and uncles, we got her a few things and didn't over buy as I know there are years to come for that! We kept it simple and got her some leggings, jeans and a couple small toys. She wasn't too interested, but we know that next year will be that much more fun. Matt and I exchanged gifts even though we both said we didn't need anything. I got Matt a new tv for his office at work along with a new shirt and tie. Matt remembered that my iPod doesn't work anymore and got me a new one with an iTunes gift card and one to Gap. He does listen when I drop hints :) 

We rounded out our celebrations with my family on the Sunday after we got back with a delicious brunch. Emma was getting a bit cranky half way through breakfast, so we knew that if we didn't act fast that opening gifts could be a disaster. She did good though and made it through most of the gifts before she fell asleep on grandma's lap. My mom of course overdid it and claims she didn't realize how much clothes she really bought for her. Or that's what she is telling my dad. Emma is a spoiled little girl, that's for sure. 

I can't wait (okay, I can) for the Christmas celebrations to come and seeing her excitement over everything surrounding this joyous holiday!

Christmas Celebrations (Part 1)

As soon as Thanksgiving was over, the Christmas celebrations began.

Our first celebration was with my Porth side that included my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I love this time with my family as it is filled with tons of laugh and (organized) chaos. We know that this Christmas will probably one day come to an end as our families grow, but in the meantime, we are cherishing every year we get to continue doing it.

Cousins and their babies: Me, Emma (4.5 months), Jess, Ada (15 months), Chrissy, Pyper (5 months), Stevi and Crosbi (7.5 months) 

Texas Hold 'Em - a staple at Porth Christmas

Uncle Ben and Leah

The following weekend we hosted Matt's family for our Shoultz Christmas. This is the second year of them coming down before Christmas so that we could all celebrate together. Matt and I appreciate they are willing to travel to us during this time as we aren't able to get back because of his job. This year, Ken and Dianne came down Thursday night so they could spend all day with Emma on Friday while we worked. Chad, Stacy and Maddy got to town Friday afternoon and later that night Ken, Chad, Stacy and I were able to go watch the Iowa State men's basketball team beat Iowa. Saturday was a pretty chill day and Emma let us all take a pretty solid afternoon nap. The evening was dedicated to a delicious family dinner (thanks Stacy for doing everything) and opening gifts.

We are trying to teach Emma about being a lady - she isn't listening :) 

Thankful

While I am thankful year round for all that God has blessed me with, this year I am even more thankful for all that I have been given: our healthy and sweet baby girl, my amazing husband, the roof over our heads, our health, supportive family and friends. I truly am blessed.

For the first time in years (since our first year of dating), Matt was home for Thanksgiving. It was wonderful having him home with Emma and I so that we could spend her first one as a family.

In past years, my Thanksgiving included time with my dad's side of the family and all the craziness that ensues when we are together. But this year with Matt having to travel with the football team the following day, my parents didn't want to leave us back in Ames by ourselves so they cancelled their plans for Chicago to be with us. Have I mentioned lately how great my parents are? It was a quiet and simple Thanksgiving spent down with my parents, Blake and Alaina. But it was perfect because I got to spend it with Matt and Emma.

Our centerpiece. She sat here the entire meal and loved it. 

Emma: 4 Months

This month might have been the most fun, yet most exhausting at the same time. I feel like every single day there is something new she is doing or trying. It is so fun to see her develop her skills, accomplish little milestones and see her personality really shine through.

Emma really is a happy baby and always smiling. It warms my heart when my mom and Victoria both say how happy she is for them and that she truly is a joy. Don't get me wrong, she has her moments, but they are pretty rare and we usually know what she wants. She's either overtired, hungry or just wants to be held. The moment you pick her up though, she usually bats those long eyelashes at you and gives a big old smile, as if she is saying "Haha, got you".

She has rolled over a handful of times from her back to stomach and just once from her stomach to her back. I couldn't believe how completely geeked out I got when I finally saw her roll over. You would have thought she landed on the moon! Is this how every milestone is? She is talking all the time and really loves talking over people. Matt says she fits in perfectly with my Porth side :)

The last month has been rough, to say the least, with her night sleeping. There was a 10 day streak that she was waking four to five times a night with a couple nights that she would be up for four hours straight. It was during that time that Matt and I agreed were by far the worst yet. I used to think it was crazy how little sleep one can function on. No, one can seriously not function with that little of sleep. We were walking zombies. It effected us in our relationship and at work. It. Was. Tough. Combine the difficult nights of sleep, we had to switch the formula we were supplementing with because it was causing her some serious stomach issues. So instead of Similac Soy, we are now on Gerber Good Start Gentle. As if those two things weren't rough enough, Emma started teething. Yes, teeth. On Sunday we could finally feel something poke through and see a little something. I've been told not to get my hopes up because they can retract. Ugh, really? Oh, and throw in there having to take away fully swaddling her because she could now roll over. Emma was a hot mess and so confused. So were we. Luckily, she has handled it like a champ and is doing much better. She now for the most part sleeps comfortably (except last night, blaming her four month shots) not swaddled and her stomach/digestive issues have resolved with the new formula.

Speaking of formula, as of this week, Emma will be fully on formula only. The last couple weeks I was pumping three times a day and spending an hour to get only roughly seven to nine ounces. I was stressed and getting behind at work. My supply had taken a major hit and Emma knew that and grew angry at the lack of milk she was getting. While I am a little sad about it all, it was a good run and I am so proud of how long I lasted and how far we came since the beginning weeks. The bond I got to share with her was truly remarkable and something I will always remember. Staring down at her beautiful face with her eyes catching mine when she would take a break from feeding.....wow. But, as our breastfeeding time has come to an end, the cereal stage of eating has just begun. We introduced it to her last week and she seemed to love it.

Matt may be more into it than Emma. 

We had her four month doctor's appointment yesterday and Emma is doing great. She was so happy and smiley throughout the entire visit, minus the shots. She really loved laying on the table in just her diaper while kicking away and grabbing onto the roll of protective tissue. Our growing baby is measuring 25.5 inches (88th percentile) and weighing in at 13 pounds and 14 ounces (45th percentile). Our homework is for Emma to learn to put herself to sleep. For naps and at night, she can only fall asleep if someone is rocking her or holding her. Dr. Patten said that unless we want to battle it when she gets older, we should consider teaching her now. She said that once she knows how to do that, her naps and night sleep should improve. Crossing our fingers.

Gosh, looking back at what I just wrote and I realize how busy we really were with her. I'm sure the coming months (and years) are going to be just as busy and high paced. Next month: Emma's first plane ride.....to Hawaii!

Life (via Instagram) Lately

Since we tend to use our phones so much to capture moments in our lives and then (most of the time) post them to Instagram, I figured doing a monthly post of our Instagram pictures could be a new feature. Enjoy!

1. One of my favorite things about the nights we get at home all together as a family are the nights where we just sit on the couch talking and laughing with Emma.

2. We headed over to our friends Tyler and Brittney's after a home football game and needless to say, Emma didn't last long. 

3. Being so long and skinny means that clothes, especially pajamas, don't fit her at all in length.

4. Pulled into the driveway at my parent's house to this. 

5. Love picking Emma up at the end of the work day and getting these cuddles.

6. Speaking of cuddles, we need to soak in as much as we can while she still lets us hold her. 

7. We attempted to wean Emma from the swaddle and started with one arm out. This lasted three nights before we gave up and she is back to being fully swaddled until she is ready.

8. Matt and I received this picture from my dad while we were at work one day. She loves looking outside that door and seeing all that is going on out there.

9. Lounging with dad watching some college football.

10. After a rough night of sleep, or lack there of, this is what Emma did when Matt got his phone out to take a picture.

11. We had quite the happy guest join us for dinner this weekend. May have been the happiest she has ever been while we eat. 

Supply vs. Demand

Before I had Emma, my goal was to breastfeed at least until I went back to work. If I could make it to October, I would be happy. Now, I don't want to stop nursing. I get emotional (seriously) just thinking about it.

The first several weeks were definitely the most challenging and I remember crying in the middle of the night just wanting her to latch on or for her to get through a feeding without screaming. Once we hit that four week mark, I remember telling my mom that we have hit our stride and it has been somewhat smooth sailing since. We have had our issues with latch and have had to use a breast shield since day one. Not fun at all, but now it is so routine that I don't even notice it. Then we went through a couple weeks of Emma having diarrhea that led to me not being able to have dairy products.

I went back to work at the beginning of October and have battled with pumping ever since. First was the lactation room: a small closet that could fit a three foot table, garbage can and a chair. That's it. This room is the only room in the surrounding vicinity and is therefore shared by many new moms. I tried talking to some about setting up a schedule, but so many of them were advisors, professors or PhD students that getting on a schedule wasn't really an option as their days varied so much. They would rather wait or come back later to use it. To top it off, I would go in and there would be fresh or dried milk all over the table. Gross. After giving this room a try for two weeks, I grew frustrated not knowing how I was going to do this. I then decided to use the changing closet up on my floor in the bathroom. There wasn't an outlet or a table, but I made it work. My co-worker brought in a short extension cord for me to use that I run from just outside the door to in the closet. Not having a table is challenging, but I make it work with the help of paper towels, a small towel and my Thirty-One bag.

I've been pumping three times a day but about once a week there are times I can only pump two times. It is challenging fitting it around meetings that I can't reschedule or back to back meetings.  In the last two weeks, I have seen my supply diminish immensely. At the beginning I was able to get 12-14 ounces all day. Now, I am down to 7-10 ounces. This is coming at a time where Emma is now drinking five ounce bottles. I can't even keep up with her demand. Both my mom and Victoria were telling me how hungry she was after four or four and half ounce bottles. We then upped it to five and she is so much happier. She is having three (sometimes four) bottles a day and I am not even getting enough for two of those bottles. My supply is so much less than her demand. I have looked up and tried so many options to bring my supply back up and it continues to dwindle. I have stressed about it so much this last week because I want to nurse as long as I can. I feel like I am failing this, failing her.

To try and keep up with providing breast milk for Emma as long as I can, I decided to start having my mom give her one bottle of soy formula a day. That way I can build up supply so that her other bottles can be breast milk. She took to the formula and had no issues with it. Luckily, Emma acted as if she had no idea the difference in what she was drinking. Since going up to five ounces last week, I have noticed that Emma isn't satisfied when nursing and still rooting around and trying to eat, but nothing is there. She feeds in 3-5 minutes on each breast and is trying so hard to try and get more, but not getting anything. I toyed with trying formula, but last night I gave her two ounces after a feeding and she slammed it and was so content after. Like she was relieved to be able to have a full tummy.

Like I said above, never in my dreams did I think I would take to nursing Emma like I have. This emotional bond we have formed in the last three months have been amazing. I can't explain it. I have friends that never nursed their babies or don't have kids and they think I am weird when trying to explain to them this connection that Emma and I have and how emotional I get thinking it may come to an end soon. No one truly understands it unless they have gone through this. There is nothing better than Emma and I staring into eachother's eyes and the smiles she gives me when looking up to me. It might be one of my favorite moments with her. I love when she holds onto my finger or clinches to my shirt, like she never wants to let go. Or the comfort that it seems like only I can provide her. That is what I will miss some day and that is why I don't want to stop.

I will continue to nurse and pump as long as I am able and we will see how the coming weeks/months go. In the mean time, I am trying not to beat myself up over this (which is easy to do) and enjoying the time we have together bonding while she nurses.

Our Boo-tiful Ghost

We celebrated Emma's first Halloween last night with a stop to grandma and grandpa's house for some pictures and quick dinner, hardly any trick-or-treaters and a visit from our friends.

Emma's boo-tiful ghost costume was made courtesy of grandma Christine. I think I say this in nearly every post, but thank goodness for my mom. If it wasn't for her and her craftiness, my ideas would never be brought to life. I can think of something, but need someone else to actually make it happen! Not that my mom has enough to do with watching Emma during the week, but she also found time to make her a tutu and her onesie. She also made these adorable Despicable Me minion pumpkins. Not sure how she does it!

Our very happy ghost

We ended the night with our friends, Brad and Megan, stopped by with their daughter Harper for a little visit. I promise that Emma was more interested in Harper than it appears. It was so cute seeing them together and seeing all that Harper is doing while knowing Emma will be there in the blink of an eye.

Harper the strawberry (6 months) and Emma the ghost (3 months)

Hope you all had a wonderful Halloween! 

Emma: 3 Months

It is crazy to see how much Emma is changing from month to month. In just a short month, she has learned so much and has blossomed with such a fun, loving personality.

Like I said, Emma is learning so much and really noticing things. In the last week, she has learned what her legs are and gets so excited kicking them to the ground. Her play mat keeps her occupied for a long time as she watches the mobile above her spin and play music. This is extremely helpful when we get home for the day and I need to clean all my pumping supplies and get dinner started. Ceiling fans, tvs, pillows with patterns and certain objects on the walls just fascinate her. She also could just stare at herself in the mirror forever (oh boy!). 

Emma is doing awesome with my mom and at Victoria's. Both of them say how great she is with them and so smiley, talkative and just an "angel". They also both agree that naps are on her terms, when she wants them and how long. She is so unpredictable with her naps. She could have a three hour nap with a couple short thirty minute naps one day and the next, short cat naps all day. She is eating four ounces every three hours with them, but seems to still be hungry sometimes after. I've decided to start trying four and a half ounces for her and we will see how she does. The kids at Victoria's just love her and just lay on the floor with her talking and laughing with her while she just eats it up. 

Photoshoot with grandma at 12 weeks

Other notable things we experienced: Watched many (terrible) Cyclone football games. Attended her first Cyclone volleyball game. Had a visit from great grandma Pinky. Loves her baths now. We survived our first weekend with Matt traveling for work. She had her first visit to a pumpkin patch. 

Cheesin' it up for great grandma Pinky

Another photoshoot with grandma

 Can't wait to see all the memories next month will bring!

{Grow with Me} - 3 Months

Emma had her first of her "grow with me" sessions with Destri of D&Orfs Photography here in Ames today. Destri has a great and super reasonable package where you get a 30 minute mini session at three, six and nine months with a full hour session for your birthday.

Our little girl was quite the stinker today for her pictures. While she is usually cheesin' it up for people, that wasn't the case for these pictures. That is, until my mom came back from running a quick errand. The moment my mom started talking to Emma, she was grinning from ear to ear. You can clearly tell which pictures those are!

Life (via Instagram) Lately

 1. Matt and I did some errands and went to dinner a couple weeks back and we brought Emma along until my mom could meet us and take her for the night. She was clearly thrilled about spending a lot of money on some suits for daddy.

2. We enjoyed brunch with my grandma and my mom at The Cafe (my favorite).

3. Emma has found the tv and is quite intrigued by it. So yes, we are those parents that set their kid in front of the tv to quiet them when fussy. Peace at any cost! Especially if we get to eat dinner uninterrupted.

4. Matt ordered a South Carolina Gamecocks (his alma mater) onesie off of Etsy before Emma was born for her to wear on football game days. Gamecocks beat Kentucky and now Matt says she needs to wear it every time they play.

5. We finally got out the play mat for Emma and she loves it.

6. Target has clearanced all their summer clothes and that means that Emma got some swim gear for our trip to Hawaii in December. $2.68 each! 

7. Those eyelashes speak for themselves.

8. Her three month pants are finally starting to fit around the stomach, so she got to wear her first pair of jeggings. 

9. Matt and I love coming home to her from work and playing on the floor with her. She is so talkative and smiley. Best part of our day. 

10. Milk drunk. Passed out after her last feeding of the night.

11. Cheering on aunt Alaina at her volleyball game. Can't get over her cuteness! My mom made the onesie and tutu especially for Alaina's games. 

You Know You Are a Mom When....

.....pillow talk with your husband is about your child's poop.

.....your arm muscles hurt not from going to the gym, but from holding your child all day or lugging a carseat around everywhere.

.....you are lucky to have eaten anything by lunchtime.

.....a thirty minute catnap feels like a million bucks.

.....you can pick up about anything with your feet.

.....a date night out with your husband ends by 8:00 because you would rather get home and get some much needed sleep.

.....your recent Google searches are all baby related questions that start with "is it normal for.....".

.....you never get to drink your cup of coffee hot.

.....shopping for new clothes for yourself ends up with nothing bought for you, but new outfits for your child that will only be worn a couple times.

.....your me time is a shower that lets you wash your hair, rinse, shave and maybe stand there for just two minutes. Then hoping that when it is over, you don't hear a screaming baby and stressed out dad.

Daycare

Emma is so lucky to have such a selfless, loving grandma that has offered to give up everything she is doing to watch her while I go back to work. I remember when I was younger my mom always joked around that she would watch her grandkids instead of sending them to daycare. I always thought she was joking until we told her we were pregnant. Ever since that day, my mom has insisted on watching Emma during the week. She has been ready for this since before I was pregnant. No, seriously. She's had the pack n' play, swing, bouncy seat and everything for over a year. I am excited that Emma will be with my mom and get to experience that bond with her. I can only imagine all the things my mom will teach her, the crafts made, pictures taken and memories to be had. People have asked me if I am concerned if having my mom watch her will effect our relationship at all and I can honestly say I am not worried at all. My mom and I have such a great relationship and have always been open in communication. She has made it clear that she will go by our "rules" and schedule with her (with spoiling her here and there) and knows the importance of doing so for when Emma is with us and Victoria. We will be learning more of Emma's schedule and likes/dislikes from my mom I am sure.

While my mom offered to do the whole week, we insisted she get a break and that the other day we would take Emma to an in-home daycare. So the other day (Thursdays), Emma will be going to Victoria's. I am relieved we found someone that would take a part-time kid and a baby at that. It was quite stressful trying to find someone (resulted in tears) as everyone only takes full-time kids or I couldn't imagine leaving her with them. We are lucky to have Victoria recommended to us by my co-worker who sends his kids to her. Victoria is so sweet and I know Emma will thrive being there around other little kids. Another bonus with Victoria is that her mom lives with her family and is there as another "grandma" figure and helping hands.

We will see how the coming weeks and months go as it will be an adjustment for all of us, especially Emma. 

I'm Gonna Miss This

"You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this"

On Monday, I ease back into the grind of my job by starting back part-time. No doubt about it, I have missed the adult conversations during the day and my awesome co-workers. I am ashamed to say that at one point I said I was ready to go back. Now, work is the last place I want to go. 

As I sit here and write this with tears streaming down my face thinking about the above lyrics, the only place I want to be is home with my baby girl. I've spent every waking moment with her since the moment she came into this world. I've been away from her for a max of five hour stretches here and there. Now I'll be away from her for over 45 hours a week. That is 45 hours worth of cuddles, smiles, cooing, crying, feedings, swaying her to sleep. 45 hours of missed bonding. 

Don't get me wrong, maternity leave certainly wasn't the most relaxing break from work I have had, but after getting into the groove of things with Emma, I started to enjoy it. Maternity leave was definitely challenging and the last ten weeks have been the hardest, yet most rewarding days of my life. I remember breaking down to Matt shortly after she was born (gotta love hormones) saying I didn't know it was going to be this hard. The crying and screaming, stomach issues, lack of sleep for Matt and I, her witching hour and fighting sleep, breastfeeding and the million and one other hard things that came along when she was born. But all those hard moments have or will pass and those amazingly, good moments have so been worth it all. Every smile this sweet girl gives me makes me know that everything is okay. The love I have for my daughter is like nothing I could ever truly describe. My heart is so full it could explode. 

This week I have held her longer, snuggled her tighter and kissed her an extra thousand times. I cherished and took in every smile and coo. I inhaled her smell (smelly or not) and tickled her little thighs. 

I hope I can do this.

I know I can do this. But it won’t be easy.

(I had every intention of writing my top moments with Emma over the last 10 weeks, but am way too emotional and will have to save that for another post)

Emma: 2 months

As we were driving back from Emma's two month checkup this morning, I found myself wondering how it has been two months already! There are days where it seems like it has gone so fast and then moments where it feels like she has been a part of our family forever. 

I did this picture before I found out that witching hour is actually colic. Either way, she is the crabbiest
at night and I still consider that her witching hour.

Her doctor's appointment went well and she (mom and dad too) survived her first shots. I am glad I listened to a friend that said to bring a bottle with as it will settle her down a bit afterwards. Matt stood with her as I couldn't bring myself to do it, instead I sat and watched her cry in pain and I think that might have been worse. Heartbreaking! Emma was 24 inches in length (97th percentile) and 10 pounds and 9.5 ounces (30th percentile) in weight. We definitely have a long and lean baby girl. We talked to our doctor about her unconsolable crying at night and then off and on during the day and she said that is colic. I always assumed it was witching hour, but she said that is usually just fussy, not all out crying and screaming. She gave us some great tips, some of which we already do, and reassurance that she will outgrow it. Our only frustration with the visit was the fact that it didn't seem like she knew we were there a couple weeks ago with concerns about her stomach and diarrhea. She told me I could go back to having milk products, but then when I mention the fact that she had blood in her stools, she acted like she didn't know that and told me to continue eliminating milk products. Do they not look at charts?

The last month has been busy and hectic. Matt is back in the swing of sports season with football and before we know it, basketball season will be here. With Matt so busy with work, we really do value our time as a family when he is home. We made a five day trip to Minnesota and a quick trip to the Quad Cities. Other than that and some stomach issues, we have been enjoying family time and all the smiles, talks, cuddles and play time. It has definitely been a challenging month as evenings she is at her worst and it seems like it is never going to end. But having those smiles from her and just watching her sleep is reassurance in itself. She will outgrow this and we will look back and laugh at all.

Love this moment

Emma's First Road Trip

Emma made her first road trip this last week to "God's country" (Minnesota) to visit and meet family and friends

We left on Wednesday late morning after feeding Emma and packing nearly the entire house. She was asleep by the time we got on I-35 and slept most of the way minus about a total of 30 minutes of crying. We are so lucky that she loves being in the car and sleeps well in her car seat. Knock on wood that continues for future trips!

We spent Wednesday night just north of the cities with the Huntley's and that was also our first experience of sleeping in the same room as Emma. Let me tell you, that girl moves and talks a lot while sleeping. I bet I got out of bed 20 times because I thought she was awake. Nope, still sleeping. I think it might have been the worst night of sleep I have gotten since she was born. 

We headed Thursday morning to Litchfield and Emma slept most of the way other than a 10 minute bout of crying during a torrential down pour in St. Cloud. We spent the rest of the day hanging out with family and getting in time with grandma and grandpa. Thursday night was the second night in a row of Emma going to bed WAY past her bedtime. I thought we had difficulty getting her to sleep at home, but boy being away is even worse. I cried Thursday night being so delirious and wondering if we traveled for too long and too early with her. Friday included a drive around Litchfield so Matt could show Emma his old stomping grounds, a visit to great grandma's, dinner with friends and time with aunt Stacy and uncle Chad.

Saturday we had an "open house" of sorts so family could stop by and meet Emma. She met lots of people and definitely had her fair share of being passed around! 

Four generations

Our time in Litchfield came to an end on Sunday and it was sad to go as we won't get to make it back there until April or May when Matt is done with men's basketball. By that time Emma will be crawling and moving around like crazy! 

We ended our trip to Minnesota with a stop to see Jamie, Emily, Avery and Levi. We always love whenever we get together with them as there are always a lot of laughs and they are such great role models as to the type of parents we hope to be for Emma. We were lucky that Emma slept all the way from Eagan to the Ames exit! Emily joked with us that maybe she would sleep the whole way and I laughed and said probably not. Looks like I was wrong!

Levi was clearly not impressed that all the attention is on the girls.