I'm Gonna Miss This

"You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this"

On Monday, I ease back into the grind of my job by starting back part-time. No doubt about it, I have missed the adult conversations during the day and my awesome co-workers. I am ashamed to say that at one point I said I was ready to go back. Now, work is the last place I want to go. 

As I sit here and write this with tears streaming down my face thinking about the above lyrics, the only place I want to be is home with my baby girl. I've spent every waking moment with her since the moment she came into this world. I've been away from her for a max of five hour stretches here and there. Now I'll be away from her for over 45 hours a week. That is 45 hours worth of cuddles, smiles, cooing, crying, feedings, swaying her to sleep. 45 hours of missed bonding. 

Don't get me wrong, maternity leave certainly wasn't the most relaxing break from work I have had, but after getting into the groove of things with Emma, I started to enjoy it. Maternity leave was definitely challenging and the last ten weeks have been the hardest, yet most rewarding days of my life. I remember breaking down to Matt shortly after she was born (gotta love hormones) saying I didn't know it was going to be this hard. The crying and screaming, stomach issues, lack of sleep for Matt and I, her witching hour and fighting sleep, breastfeeding and the million and one other hard things that came along when she was born. But all those hard moments have or will pass and those amazingly, good moments have so been worth it all. Every smile this sweet girl gives me makes me know that everything is okay. The love I have for my daughter is like nothing I could ever truly describe. My heart is so full it could explode. 

This week I have held her longer, snuggled her tighter and kissed her an extra thousand times. I cherished and took in every smile and coo. I inhaled her smell (smelly or not) and tickled her little thighs. 

I hope I can do this.

I know I can do this. But it won’t be easy.

(I had every intention of writing my top moments with Emma over the last 10 weeks, but am way too emotional and will have to save that for another post)

First Week Home

Let me start off by saying sorry for the delayed blog posts. Yes, Emma is three weeks old and this post is about her first week home. I don't know how moms do it and find the time to actually blog the first couple weeks. I feel like I finally have my bearings together to even think and somewhat function.

Our first night home threw us off a bit as I got an infection and had to make a trip to the ER with a 101.7 temperature and Tourette's-like shakes. Let's just say that there was a catheter involved. Yea, think about that after giving birth 48 hours prior.

Matt took the entire week off, which was absolutely wonderful and I was so sad to see the week come to an end. I am so glad he was able to take the time off and we were able to enjoy it just us three as a new family and get to know Emma. As exhausted as we were, it is a week I will always remember.

There isn't too much to tell you about during Emma's first week, other than she ate, slept (a lot), cried (a little) and peed/pooped. We didn't do much but hole ourselves up in our house and just tried to get by day to day. We cuddled our sweet girl....a lot, went on walks, doctor appointments, celebrated Matt's birthday, had a few visitors, had her newborn pictures in Des Moines and visited Matt's work. Matt and I even got to go out to dinner while my parents watched Emma when she was a week old. 

Emma with Laura, Coach Fennelly and Uncle Ben

First bath at home

Emma's first family dinner at grandma and grandpa's house

We started right away having Emma sleeping in her crib and it went great. I know some people would complain about having to get up and go to her room to feed, but I really don't mind. Her room is right across the hall and we would have to get up anyways to change her diaper. She started right off the bat sleeping three to four hour stretches at a time and we would either wake her to feed or she would wake us. I've been told we are lucky that she sleeps for such long stretches and she loves her crib (lets hope both continue going well). She is quite the little Houdini and no matter how tight we swaddle her, she somehow manages to get her arm(s) completely out or up near her face.

Feedings went well and was/is going roughly every three hours to eat. I am breastfeeding and it has a its moments of highs and lows. My biggest struggles are with having to use a breast shield. I have tried to try it without the shield, but she is absolutely not having it. The lactation consultant thinks she may end up using it as long as I breastfeed. I am having to pump two to three times a day since I am using the shield because I guess that hinders milk supply? At least that is what the consultant told me, I haven't looked too much into it. There was a day where she went through a cluster feeding/biting me and thank God for my cousins Emily, Jess and Stevi for talking me off that ledge and reassuring me that it was normal.