Emma: 4 Months

This month might have been the most fun, yet most exhausting at the same time. I feel like every single day there is something new she is doing or trying. It is so fun to see her develop her skills, accomplish little milestones and see her personality really shine through.

Emma really is a happy baby and always smiling. It warms my heart when my mom and Victoria both say how happy she is for them and that she truly is a joy. Don't get me wrong, she has her moments, but they are pretty rare and we usually know what she wants. She's either overtired, hungry or just wants to be held. The moment you pick her up though, she usually bats those long eyelashes at you and gives a big old smile, as if she is saying "Haha, got you".

She has rolled over a handful of times from her back to stomach and just once from her stomach to her back. I couldn't believe how completely geeked out I got when I finally saw her roll over. You would have thought she landed on the moon! Is this how every milestone is? She is talking all the time and really loves talking over people. Matt says she fits in perfectly with my Porth side :)

The last month has been rough, to say the least, with her night sleeping. There was a 10 day streak that she was waking four to five times a night with a couple nights that she would be up for four hours straight. It was during that time that Matt and I agreed were by far the worst yet. I used to think it was crazy how little sleep one can function on. No, one can seriously not function with that little of sleep. We were walking zombies. It effected us in our relationship and at work. It. Was. Tough. Combine the difficult nights of sleep, we had to switch the formula we were supplementing with because it was causing her some serious stomach issues. So instead of Similac Soy, we are now on Gerber Good Start Gentle. As if those two things weren't rough enough, Emma started teething. Yes, teeth. On Sunday we could finally feel something poke through and see a little something. I've been told not to get my hopes up because they can retract. Ugh, really? Oh, and throw in there having to take away fully swaddling her because she could now roll over. Emma was a hot mess and so confused. So were we. Luckily, she has handled it like a champ and is doing much better. She now for the most part sleeps comfortably (except last night, blaming her four month shots) not swaddled and her stomach/digestive issues have resolved with the new formula.

Speaking of formula, as of this week, Emma will be fully on formula only. The last couple weeks I was pumping three times a day and spending an hour to get only roughly seven to nine ounces. I was stressed and getting behind at work. My supply had taken a major hit and Emma knew that and grew angry at the lack of milk she was getting. While I am a little sad about it all, it was a good run and I am so proud of how long I lasted and how far we came since the beginning weeks. The bond I got to share with her was truly remarkable and something I will always remember. Staring down at her beautiful face with her eyes catching mine when she would take a break from feeding.....wow. But, as our breastfeeding time has come to an end, the cereal stage of eating has just begun. We introduced it to her last week and she seemed to love it.

Matt may be more into it than Emma. 

We had her four month doctor's appointment yesterday and Emma is doing great. She was so happy and smiley throughout the entire visit, minus the shots. She really loved laying on the table in just her diaper while kicking away and grabbing onto the roll of protective tissue. Our growing baby is measuring 25.5 inches (88th percentile) and weighing in at 13 pounds and 14 ounces (45th percentile). Our homework is for Emma to learn to put herself to sleep. For naps and at night, she can only fall asleep if someone is rocking her or holding her. Dr. Patten said that unless we want to battle it when she gets older, we should consider teaching her now. She said that once she knows how to do that, her naps and night sleep should improve. Crossing our fingers.

Gosh, looking back at what I just wrote and I realize how busy we really were with her. I'm sure the coming months (and years) are going to be just as busy and high paced. Next month: Emma's first plane ride.....to Hawaii!

Life (via Instagram) Lately

Since we tend to use our phones so much to capture moments in our lives and then (most of the time) post them to Instagram, I figured doing a monthly post of our Instagram pictures could be a new feature. Enjoy!

1. One of my favorite things about the nights we get at home all together as a family are the nights where we just sit on the couch talking and laughing with Emma.

2. We headed over to our friends Tyler and Brittney's after a home football game and needless to say, Emma didn't last long. 

3. Being so long and skinny means that clothes, especially pajamas, don't fit her at all in length.

4. Pulled into the driveway at my parent's house to this. 

5. Love picking Emma up at the end of the work day and getting these cuddles.

6. Speaking of cuddles, we need to soak in as much as we can while she still lets us hold her. 

7. We attempted to wean Emma from the swaddle and started with one arm out. This lasted three nights before we gave up and she is back to being fully swaddled until she is ready.

8. Matt and I received this picture from my dad while we were at work one day. She loves looking outside that door and seeing all that is going on out there.

9. Lounging with dad watching some college football.

10. After a rough night of sleep, or lack there of, this is what Emma did when Matt got his phone out to take a picture.

11. We had quite the happy guest join us for dinner this weekend. May have been the happiest she has ever been while we eat. 

Supply vs. Demand

Before I had Emma, my goal was to breastfeed at least until I went back to work. If I could make it to October, I would be happy. Now, I don't want to stop nursing. I get emotional (seriously) just thinking about it.

The first several weeks were definitely the most challenging and I remember crying in the middle of the night just wanting her to latch on or for her to get through a feeding without screaming. Once we hit that four week mark, I remember telling my mom that we have hit our stride and it has been somewhat smooth sailing since. We have had our issues with latch and have had to use a breast shield since day one. Not fun at all, but now it is so routine that I don't even notice it. Then we went through a couple weeks of Emma having diarrhea that led to me not being able to have dairy products.

I went back to work at the beginning of October and have battled with pumping ever since. First was the lactation room: a small closet that could fit a three foot table, garbage can and a chair. That's it. This room is the only room in the surrounding vicinity and is therefore shared by many new moms. I tried talking to some about setting up a schedule, but so many of them were advisors, professors or PhD students that getting on a schedule wasn't really an option as their days varied so much. They would rather wait or come back later to use it. To top it off, I would go in and there would be fresh or dried milk all over the table. Gross. After giving this room a try for two weeks, I grew frustrated not knowing how I was going to do this. I then decided to use the changing closet up on my floor in the bathroom. There wasn't an outlet or a table, but I made it work. My co-worker brought in a short extension cord for me to use that I run from just outside the door to in the closet. Not having a table is challenging, but I make it work with the help of paper towels, a small towel and my Thirty-One bag.

I've been pumping three times a day but about once a week there are times I can only pump two times. It is challenging fitting it around meetings that I can't reschedule or back to back meetings.  In the last two weeks, I have seen my supply diminish immensely. At the beginning I was able to get 12-14 ounces all day. Now, I am down to 7-10 ounces. This is coming at a time where Emma is now drinking five ounce bottles. I can't even keep up with her demand. Both my mom and Victoria were telling me how hungry she was after four or four and half ounce bottles. We then upped it to five and she is so much happier. She is having three (sometimes four) bottles a day and I am not even getting enough for two of those bottles. My supply is so much less than her demand. I have looked up and tried so many options to bring my supply back up and it continues to dwindle. I have stressed about it so much this last week because I want to nurse as long as I can. I feel like I am failing this, failing her.

To try and keep up with providing breast milk for Emma as long as I can, I decided to start having my mom give her one bottle of soy formula a day. That way I can build up supply so that her other bottles can be breast milk. She took to the formula and had no issues with it. Luckily, Emma acted as if she had no idea the difference in what she was drinking. Since going up to five ounces last week, I have noticed that Emma isn't satisfied when nursing and still rooting around and trying to eat, but nothing is there. She feeds in 3-5 minutes on each breast and is trying so hard to try and get more, but not getting anything. I toyed with trying formula, but last night I gave her two ounces after a feeding and she slammed it and was so content after. Like she was relieved to be able to have a full tummy.

Like I said above, never in my dreams did I think I would take to nursing Emma like I have. This emotional bond we have formed in the last three months have been amazing. I can't explain it. I have friends that never nursed their babies or don't have kids and they think I am weird when trying to explain to them this connection that Emma and I have and how emotional I get thinking it may come to an end soon. No one truly understands it unless they have gone through this. There is nothing better than Emma and I staring into eachother's eyes and the smiles she gives me when looking up to me. It might be one of my favorite moments with her. I love when she holds onto my finger or clinches to my shirt, like she never wants to let go. Or the comfort that it seems like only I can provide her. That is what I will miss some day and that is why I don't want to stop.

I will continue to nurse and pump as long as I am able and we will see how the coming weeks/months go. In the mean time, I am trying not to beat myself up over this (which is easy to do) and enjoying the time we have together bonding while she nurses.

Our Boo-tiful Ghost

We celebrated Emma's first Halloween last night with a stop to grandma and grandpa's house for some pictures and quick dinner, hardly any trick-or-treaters and a visit from our friends.

Emma's boo-tiful ghost costume was made courtesy of grandma Christine. I think I say this in nearly every post, but thank goodness for my mom. If it wasn't for her and her craftiness, my ideas would never be brought to life. I can think of something, but need someone else to actually make it happen! Not that my mom has enough to do with watching Emma during the week, but she also found time to make her a tutu and her onesie. She also made these adorable Despicable Me minion pumpkins. Not sure how she does it!

Our very happy ghost

We ended the night with our friends, Brad and Megan, stopped by with their daughter Harper for a little visit. I promise that Emma was more interested in Harper than it appears. It was so cute seeing them together and seeing all that Harper is doing while knowing Emma will be there in the blink of an eye.

Harper the strawberry (6 months) and Emma the ghost (3 months)

Hope you all had a wonderful Halloween!