Life (via Instagram) Lately

 1. Matt and I did some errands and went to dinner a couple weeks back and we brought Emma along until my mom could meet us and take her for the night. She was clearly thrilled about spending a lot of money on some suits for daddy.

2. We enjoyed brunch with my grandma and my mom at The Cafe (my favorite).

3. Emma has found the tv and is quite intrigued by it. So yes, we are those parents that set their kid in front of the tv to quiet them when fussy. Peace at any cost! Especially if we get to eat dinner uninterrupted.

4. Matt ordered a South Carolina Gamecocks (his alma mater) onesie off of Etsy before Emma was born for her to wear on football game days. Gamecocks beat Kentucky and now Matt says she needs to wear it every time they play.

5. We finally got out the play mat for Emma and she loves it.

6. Target has clearanced all their summer clothes and that means that Emma got some swim gear for our trip to Hawaii in December. $2.68 each! 

7. Those eyelashes speak for themselves.

8. Her three month pants are finally starting to fit around the stomach, so she got to wear her first pair of jeggings. 

9. Matt and I love coming home to her from work and playing on the floor with her. She is so talkative and smiley. Best part of our day. 

10. Milk drunk. Passed out after her last feeding of the night.

11. Cheering on aunt Alaina at her volleyball game. Can't get over her cuteness! My mom made the onesie and tutu especially for Alaina's games. 

You Know You Are a Mom When....

.....pillow talk with your husband is about your child's poop.

.....your arm muscles hurt not from going to the gym, but from holding your child all day or lugging a carseat around everywhere.

.....you are lucky to have eaten anything by lunchtime.

.....a thirty minute catnap feels like a million bucks.

.....you can pick up about anything with your feet.

.....a date night out with your husband ends by 8:00 because you would rather get home and get some much needed sleep.

.....your recent Google searches are all baby related questions that start with "is it normal for.....".

.....you never get to drink your cup of coffee hot.

.....shopping for new clothes for yourself ends up with nothing bought for you, but new outfits for your child that will only be worn a couple times.

.....your me time is a shower that lets you wash your hair, rinse, shave and maybe stand there for just two minutes. Then hoping that when it is over, you don't hear a screaming baby and stressed out dad.

Daycare

Emma is so lucky to have such a selfless, loving grandma that has offered to give up everything she is doing to watch her while I go back to work. I remember when I was younger my mom always joked around that she would watch her grandkids instead of sending them to daycare. I always thought she was joking until we told her we were pregnant. Ever since that day, my mom has insisted on watching Emma during the week. She has been ready for this since before I was pregnant. No, seriously. She's had the pack n' play, swing, bouncy seat and everything for over a year. I am excited that Emma will be with my mom and get to experience that bond with her. I can only imagine all the things my mom will teach her, the crafts made, pictures taken and memories to be had. People have asked me if I am concerned if having my mom watch her will effect our relationship at all and I can honestly say I am not worried at all. My mom and I have such a great relationship and have always been open in communication. She has made it clear that she will go by our "rules" and schedule with her (with spoiling her here and there) and knows the importance of doing so for when Emma is with us and Victoria. We will be learning more of Emma's schedule and likes/dislikes from my mom I am sure.

While my mom offered to do the whole week, we insisted she get a break and that the other day we would take Emma to an in-home daycare. So the other day (Thursdays), Emma will be going to Victoria's. I am relieved we found someone that would take a part-time kid and a baby at that. It was quite stressful trying to find someone (resulted in tears) as everyone only takes full-time kids or I couldn't imagine leaving her with them. We are lucky to have Victoria recommended to us by my co-worker who sends his kids to her. Victoria is so sweet and I know Emma will thrive being there around other little kids. Another bonus with Victoria is that her mom lives with her family and is there as another "grandma" figure and helping hands.

We will see how the coming weeks and months go as it will be an adjustment for all of us, especially Emma. 

I'm Gonna Miss This

"You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this"

On Monday, I ease back into the grind of my job by starting back part-time. No doubt about it, I have missed the adult conversations during the day and my awesome co-workers. I am ashamed to say that at one point I said I was ready to go back. Now, work is the last place I want to go. 

As I sit here and write this with tears streaming down my face thinking about the above lyrics, the only place I want to be is home with my baby girl. I've spent every waking moment with her since the moment she came into this world. I've been away from her for a max of five hour stretches here and there. Now I'll be away from her for over 45 hours a week. That is 45 hours worth of cuddles, smiles, cooing, crying, feedings, swaying her to sleep. 45 hours of missed bonding. 

Don't get me wrong, maternity leave certainly wasn't the most relaxing break from work I have had, but after getting into the groove of things with Emma, I started to enjoy it. Maternity leave was definitely challenging and the last ten weeks have been the hardest, yet most rewarding days of my life. I remember breaking down to Matt shortly after she was born (gotta love hormones) saying I didn't know it was going to be this hard. The crying and screaming, stomach issues, lack of sleep for Matt and I, her witching hour and fighting sleep, breastfeeding and the million and one other hard things that came along when she was born. But all those hard moments have or will pass and those amazingly, good moments have so been worth it all. Every smile this sweet girl gives me makes me know that everything is okay. The love I have for my daughter is like nothing I could ever truly describe. My heart is so full it could explode. 

This week I have held her longer, snuggled her tighter and kissed her an extra thousand times. I cherished and took in every smile and coo. I inhaled her smell (smelly or not) and tickled her little thighs. 

I hope I can do this.

I know I can do this. But it won’t be easy.

(I had every intention of writing my top moments with Emma over the last 10 weeks, but am way too emotional and will have to save that for another post)

Emma: 2 months

As we were driving back from Emma's two month checkup this morning, I found myself wondering how it has been two months already! There are days where it seems like it has gone so fast and then moments where it feels like she has been a part of our family forever. 

I did this picture before I found out that witching hour is actually colic. Either way, she is the crabbiest
at night and I still consider that her witching hour.

Her doctor's appointment went well and she (mom and dad too) survived her first shots. I am glad I listened to a friend that said to bring a bottle with as it will settle her down a bit afterwards. Matt stood with her as I couldn't bring myself to do it, instead I sat and watched her cry in pain and I think that might have been worse. Heartbreaking! Emma was 24 inches in length (97th percentile) and 10 pounds and 9.5 ounces (30th percentile) in weight. We definitely have a long and lean baby girl. We talked to our doctor about her unconsolable crying at night and then off and on during the day and she said that is colic. I always assumed it was witching hour, but she said that is usually just fussy, not all out crying and screaming. She gave us some great tips, some of which we already do, and reassurance that she will outgrow it. Our only frustration with the visit was the fact that it didn't seem like she knew we were there a couple weeks ago with concerns about her stomach and diarrhea. She told me I could go back to having milk products, but then when I mention the fact that she had blood in her stools, she acted like she didn't know that and told me to continue eliminating milk products. Do they not look at charts?

The last month has been busy and hectic. Matt is back in the swing of sports season with football and before we know it, basketball season will be here. With Matt so busy with work, we really do value our time as a family when he is home. We made a five day trip to Minnesota and a quick trip to the Quad Cities. Other than that and some stomach issues, we have been enjoying family time and all the smiles, talks, cuddles and play time. It has definitely been a challenging month as evenings she is at her worst and it seems like it is never going to end. But having those smiles from her and just watching her sleep is reassurance in itself. She will outgrow this and we will look back and laugh at all.

Love this moment

Emma's First Road Trip

Emma made her first road trip this last week to "God's country" (Minnesota) to visit and meet family and friends

We left on Wednesday late morning after feeding Emma and packing nearly the entire house. She was asleep by the time we got on I-35 and slept most of the way minus about a total of 30 minutes of crying. We are so lucky that she loves being in the car and sleeps well in her car seat. Knock on wood that continues for future trips!

We spent Wednesday night just north of the cities with the Huntley's and that was also our first experience of sleeping in the same room as Emma. Let me tell you, that girl moves and talks a lot while sleeping. I bet I got out of bed 20 times because I thought she was awake. Nope, still sleeping. I think it might have been the worst night of sleep I have gotten since she was born. 

We headed Thursday morning to Litchfield and Emma slept most of the way other than a 10 minute bout of crying during a torrential down pour in St. Cloud. We spent the rest of the day hanging out with family and getting in time with grandma and grandpa. Thursday night was the second night in a row of Emma going to bed WAY past her bedtime. I thought we had difficulty getting her to sleep at home, but boy being away is even worse. I cried Thursday night being so delirious and wondering if we traveled for too long and too early with her. Friday included a drive around Litchfield so Matt could show Emma his old stomping grounds, a visit to great grandma's, dinner with friends and time with aunt Stacy and uncle Chad.

Saturday we had an "open house" of sorts so family could stop by and meet Emma. She met lots of people and definitely had her fair share of being passed around! 

Four generations

Our time in Litchfield came to an end on Sunday and it was sad to go as we won't get to make it back there until April or May when Matt is done with men's basketball. By that time Emma will be crawling and moving around like crazy! 

We ended our trip to Minnesota with a stop to see Jamie, Emily, Avery and Levi. We always love whenever we get together with them as there are always a lot of laughs and they are such great role models as to the type of parents we hope to be for Emma. We were lucky that Emma slept all the way from Eagan to the Ames exit! Emily joked with us that maybe she would sleep the whole way and I laughed and said probably not. Looks like I was wrong!

Levi was clearly not impressed that all the attention is on the girls. 

Sick Baby

Poor Emma hasn't been herself lately and we are getting closer to some answers. Last Friday she started not feeling well and having terrible diarrhea. I thought I would see how it goes over the weekend and call the pediatrician's office first thing Monday morning. Monday came and it wasn't getting any better, actually it appeared to be getting worse. After not hearing from them until Tuesday, they told me that she probably has a stomach bug as it is going around and to see how it goes the next couple days. It was so hard to just wait it out as she was clearly miserable: screaming at night, clinching her fists in pain, puffy eyes and just super clingy. We were just waiting it out and hoping this bug would be done soon. It definitely wasn't getting better as yesterday she had five dirty diapers in the matter of five hours and two of which that had blood present. Called the pediatrician again and they wanted to see her. She was such a trooper and clinged to her daddy throughout the whole visit. They weighed her at 10lbs 2.5oz, so they weren't concerned yet about her losing weight. They sent us home with a kit to take some samples from her to bring back to get tested for a few different things. In the meantime, they asked for me to stop eating all milk protein products in case it ends up being an intolerance to what I eat. We should know more next week and hoping she gets better soon. Her poor eyes are so red and puffy from all the crying and not sleeping during the day because of not feeling well. As hard as the nights have been this week, it absolutely kills Matt and I seeing her like this and it just pulls at our heartstrings.